Wednesday 16 March 2016

A New Beginning

Since the start of this year, I have once again found myself in a space where I have been unable to write.

My new year started with the heartbreaking news that our little Hotel Chocolat Cocoa-Bar-Cafe in John Lewis Edinburgh would be closing on the 12th of March. 

This was followed by failed job applications, followed by failed interviews and a real sense that I was wandering around in the adult world like a 3 year old child. 

A planned trip to NYC was cancelled before it was even booked. 

Yet, I made a conscious decision to not allow myself to fall down the rabbit hole I did last time around. Less than a year ago, after loosing a job with no notice, I hit a low that involved a great deal of self-hatred and depression. I had no belief in myself whatsoever. 

After talking to family and friends, I began to think of this job loss as an opportunity and not a hindrance. I proved to myself last time around that I am more than capable of getting a job in hospitality without a great deal of trouble, and thus I need not worry myself too much about finding a replacement barista position. Instead, focus would be on developing my skill set, finding work experience, and actively working with my own self-confidence, belief and mental health. 

Three months down the line and my life is both very different and yet exactly the same. 

Before leaving university last summer, I had this overwhelming feeling that so much would change. It really didn't. The same thing has happened this time. 

I do the same daily activities, in the same way. My group of friends remains mainly unchanged, with a few new, fabulous additions. My home-life is the same as it was, with the same supportive other half at my side. 

Now, however, I have a week of work left in hospitality. After 7 years, this is a very welcomed change. I can finally embrace a new working environment, begin to challenge myself once more, intellectually and mentally. 

And so, having tried many times before now, to write, that it is time to just go with it, publish what I think and feel, and allow myself that outlet once more. 

Blogging is not something I thought I would ever like, never mind, need to do. When I first typed last year, I felt awkward and out of place. These past three months, I have missed it. 

I've missed being able to write that funny antidote, that thought, talk about life and everything that it brings. 

This brings us to now. I have not thought about this post. I am typing as I go. 

I sincerely hope that this is the start of a year that will allow me to embrace writing, as it would seem it is much more a part of me than I previously thought. 

Here's to a new start to the year, to new opportunities, to new colleagues (and the old), to new words, and especially to new beginnings. 


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